How do you “SHOW UP” when your partner is in some sort of emotional distress, acts out their special brand of “weirdness” and really needs you to be there for her/him in that moment?
1) Do you make it about your partner? Do you see their weirdness as a plea for help and express empathy? Do you take the time to truly relate and understand their distressful feelings? Are you mindful to be present so you listen - without judgment and hear the message your partner is trying to convey, “As it is intended to be heard by them”? Does this strategy end up shifting the state of the relationship to create a secure connection?
2) Do you make it about you? Do you view their weirdness as something being done to you? Do you get frustrated, irritated and feel like a victim to their acts of weirdness? Do you judge the situation and them causing you to reactively defend your perspective and thoughts and debate the external topic that caused the distress? Does this strategy end up causing a rupture in the relationship?
When we choose to direct our focus toward our partner and not on ourselves, we show up during these defining moments of distress. This loving act of compassion is like pouring the main ingredients for the foundation of the relationship house: emotional safety, certainty and trust.
I invite you to examine recent history of your intimate relationship. Can you identify a pattern that acts as a jackhammer, ripping up the foundation of your relationship home? If so, there is hope. If you can own it, you can change it.