Are you tired of being tried and feeling stuck? Do you want to stop allowing the past to determine your present? Read More
We are relational creatures wandering the world trying to make sense of what things mean to us. Read More
During our journey in life, we have experiences that change us forever. Many are positive and some are traumatic. Read More
I have two questions for you: 1) Have you ever had a Shift Happen to you? 2) Have you ever had your mind and body hijacked? Read More
Why is it that many of us have a difficult time in our relationships? Read More
Why is it that in all the years we go to school, there is never a class taught about relationships? Read More
Why do couples fight so hard to find true love? Then when we find it, end up fighting so hard with the one we love. Read More
There are three entities in any marriage or intimate partnership. There are the two individuals and the space between. Read More
The ability to manage and operate a prosperous business requires us to set and achieve the goals we have that define success. Read More
Presenteeism is a serious growing problem for executives, human resource managers and administrators. Read More
Are you tired of being tried and feeling stuck? Do you want to stop allowing the past to determine your present? Would you like to heal from past pain and/or get rid of future anxiety? Are you ready to move forward after a difficult life transition? What do you want and what is stopping you from getting it?
In order to transform our relationships, we must do so from the inside out. The process of transformation is not an easy task. We must win from within in order to live a life feeling inner peace, personal fulfillment and the freedom to embrace joy, connection and love.
Wake Up, Grow Up, Show Up is a journey of personal and relationship transformation. It is a process for us to realize that every upset, painful experience, loss, heartbreak and even every trauma we face in life is a challenge, an opportunity for us on our journey. This process begins when we Wake Up with a new awareness that change is needed. We make a decision to Grow Up and break through our resistance of change so we may acquire insight, knowledge and techniques. Then we Show Up daily to do the inner work and the work with others to create real, meaningful and lasting changes.
We are relational creatures wandering the world trying to make sense of what things mean to us. If our plan is to head west and our inner compass is pointing south, we will find that our journey will not work out as we intended. Begin by gaining awareness for the impact our life experiences has on how we programmed ourselves to develop certain beliefs about others, the world and ourselves. Next, understand how the impact our beliefs have on how we evaluate and relate to others and ourselves in the present.
During our journey in life, we perceived certain events with a high level of emotional intensity. When this occurs, we may begin a process where we alter our nervous system and reorganize our brain. Unfortunately, many times we do not integrate our memory in a way for us to resolve the experience within our mind, emotions and body and hence our relationships suffer.
Over time, we develop an intricate script for our story with detailed narratives and descriptions. This language is a woven quilt of experiences from the past that forms our beliefs about others, the world and ourselves. If the beliefs are negative, they may become self-limiting, dis-empowered beliefs. If our story is rooted in dis-empowered beliefs, we will struggle in our relationships at home, work and within ourselves.
During our journey in life, we have experiences that change us forever. Many are positive and some are traumatic. Trauma comes in two forms. Level 1 involves horrific events such as rape, incent, violence, war, suicide, car crashes, etc.
The topic of this discussion is on Level 2 trauma and diagnosing the “Walking Wounded.” This concerns understanding the impact trauma relationship emotional experiences have during all phases of our lives and bringing it out of the shadows into the light.
Level 2 traumas are intense emotional experiences we have during our lives that result from the interactions we have in our relationships with others and with ourselves. Examples include times as infants and children when we experience shame and/or fear and adopt beliefs of not being emotionally safe, unloved, unworthy, not acceptable and/or not enough. Also events as adults when we get our heartbroken and/or someone rupture our primal needs of safety, certainty and trust. There are also defining moments of loss such as the death of a loved one, a divorce, a fire destroys your home and loss of a job or career, etc.
I have two questions for you: 1) Have you ever had a Shift Happen to you? 2) Have you ever had your mind and body hijacked? A Shift Happen is a jolting biological inner-body experience that occurs when you feel all is wonderful in the world and then boom, in a nanosecond your thoughts, emotions and behaviors change. You go from feeling peace, love and joy in your comfort zone to experiencing fear, shame, irritation, stress, anxiety and/or pain while feeling energized or immobilized
When a Shift Happens, we become triggered and react impulsively instead of responding mindfully. The consequences on our relationships with others and ourselves can be damaging or devastating. This reactive change of state will increase the frequency and intensity of negativity, obstruction, turmoil and conflict. These reactive experiences will overtime result in a negative perspective override of our relationships with others and ourselves.
Why does this occur? We all have painful memories from the past that have not been resolved and healed. When we associate the present to the past without differentiating, outside of our awareness, we set off a biological process that causes us to become instinctual in our reactions and display our unique brand of “weirdness.”
Why is it that many of us have a difficult time in our relationships? Why do so many couples I see display uniquely similar negative patterns of relating to their partner and themselves? Basically, at various times, one pursues and protests and the other runs and protects. Why is it that so many of my individual clients keep reporting the same prognosis in their relationships whether it is an intimate, personal or professional? What is the common denominator?
I have come to discover the patterns we developed are rooted in the experiences we had before we could even speak. That is correct. The difficulties we experience in our adult relationships are intrinsically intertwined with the challenges we faced while our brains were growing exponentially during the first few years of life. The patterns for how we evaluated our environment, how we managed our emotions and how we behaved and interacted with others were formed.
As adults, we are relational beings searching for safety, connection and significance. If we did not get certain primal needs met in our early life, we will be on an unconscious mission to have them fulfilled. During our journey, we form relationships with people. Some of these serve us and fulfill our important primal needs. Other times, we experience the same frustration, pain and sometimes suffering we have felt before. This is the diagnosis for the “Walking Wounded”
Why is it that in all the years we go to school, there is never a class taught about relationships? We learn science and biology but we do not have a class on how our memory and beliefs are formed and the impact these have on our lives. We learn English and how to read but never about how to communicate with others in a healthy and respectful way. We learn how to add and subtract but nothing about how to change and grow within ourselves to become empowered individuals and give us the best chance of success in life, love and relationships.
In order to create, maintain and sustain healthy, happy and harmonious relationships, there are three principles we can follow to give us the best chance of success. These three principles assist us to identify critical awareness’s, understandings and applications to ensure a positive flow in our relationships with others and ourselves.
The first principal addresses the need to take personal responsibility for our decisions and how we show up in our relationships. The second principle explores the strategy for how we communicate and have peaceful, safe and respectful discussions with others. The third principle highlights the perspective that the primary purpose for relationships is to challenge us to grow and identifies our most important Relationship Needs.
Why do couples fight so hard to find true love? Then when we find it, end up fighting so hard with the one we love. Why are we able to find just the right person who will trigger us the most and make us act so weird? Why do we resist looking into the preverbal mirror our partner is holding up to us? Why do we consciously or unconsciously make the decision to perpetuate and escalate negativity, obstruction, turmoil and conflict?
My belief is that the majority of challenges in relationships are caused by factors that are unrelated to the current issues that trigger a regrettable event. Couples experience reoccurring arguments over similar issues that eventually lead them into a state of perpetual fighting and disconnection. They deflect, defend and blame instead of accepting, owning and changing.
A triad of three forces merges together to set up this dynamic process. It’s begins with the complexities of Imago which explains why we choose the ones we love. Next come the influences of memory and how our past impacts how we relate with and react toward our partner. Last are the Law of Attraction and the push pull of polarity. This triad sets in motion the initiation for the cycle of conflict we experience in our love relationships.
There are three entities in any marriage or intimate partnership. There are the two individuals and the space between. This space where partners interact, relate and debate is called the relationship. How two individuals show up in the relationship will determine the nature of the repetitive dance they engage in together.
In order to mindfully co-create a healthy, happy and harmonious relationship, we need to acquire the awareness for how our past impacts our present. Second, we need to learn the skills and techniques to implement change so we grow individually and as a couple. Third, we must be patient and practice this new way of relating in order to break and replace old habits of thinking, being and doing.
I call this process of learning the “I, U & WE” method. The “I” concerns each individual doing the self-work necessary to show up as an interdependent and functionally healthy “I”. The “U” concerns how we share our feelings, thoughts, and requests with our partner, the “U”. The “WE” constitutes how both partners work together as a team to get their most important primal, soulful and couples needs met in the relationship so they become “Best Friends During the Day, Lovers at Night and Partners for Life.”
The ability to manage and operate a prosperous business requires us to set and achieve the goals we have that define success. These goals encompass many aspects of our business. Some are measured by sales, client satisfaction, production performance and cooperative teamwork. The key component is the management and interaction of people whether it is inside or outside of the company.
In order to realize true success in our business, we have to recognize that we have two sets of goals to focus on. The first goal encompasses the external goals established by our business. These include meeting our sales projections, marketing strategies, distribution efforts and building a pipeline for prospective clients and customers.
The second type of goals is the internal goals. These are related to us as individuals and teams. It is how we Wake Up and realize we have the personal power to achieve any goal we set. Show Up personally with a high standard of integrity and challenge ourselves to do more and be more. And Grow Up to our full potential while learning from those experiences to become exceptional leaders for our business, families, communities and ourselves.
Presenteeism is a serious growing problem for executives, human resource managers and administrators. The Presenteeism bug causes employees to be less peaceful, positive, present and productive on the job. This mental and emotional virus can permeate an office or company thereby infecting executives, employees and customers- leading to ineffective leadership, teamwork, poor customer service and deceased sales and profits.
The biggest asset for any business is its people. From the CEO to the newest employee, the ability to create and maintain a positive flow is critical in today’s rapidly changing and competitive business environment. We must invest our time and resources to understand and assist our people to learn, stretch and change in order for them to grow individually and collectively as an effective and productive team.
I believe it is critical for business to recognize that each individual is a cog in the wheel. When one of the cogs is not in flow, the ripple effect will be felt within small teams, the company as a whole and its customers.